Class Prophecy

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By Alfred Durant

Alfred Durant had a talent for writing interesting and entertaqining articles for the Rosecrans Observer. Here is his last article that appeared in the April-May 1955 edition of the Observer. It's interesting to note which of his prophecies hit the mark. Note the play on the names of America's great newspaper journalists at the time: Westbrook Pegler, Earl Wilson and Walter Winchell.


THE SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY
By Alfred Durant

  Do you remember the class of 1955? Since it will soon be the 10th anniversary of its graduation, many of its members might be wondiring if, and to what extent, their classmates have succeeded in their chosen profession. The Rosecrans Observer, with the aid of its nationally famous columnists Westbrook Spearson and Earl Wrinchell, has decided to honor the class of '55 with this article concerning their various occupations.

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  "Hello Rosecranites, this is Westbrook Spearson reporting on the activities of those alumni who are in Zanesville now. To begin with, there's Edward "Bub" Smith Owner ot the largest strip mine in Ohio, and Tom Paul whose trucking company is second to none.

  Then, of course, there's Father Terrence Dinan pastor of St. Thomas parish, and Jack Dinan, proprietor of the construction company which constructed the multi-million dollar nursing school for the owner Peggy Allbritain. Peggy Wardian is the medical assistant of Drs. John Schimpf and Charles Mattingly in their charity clinic which treats charity cases. Salesman par excellence Gerald Emmert is here for a visit. (He's not such a good saleman. Sold us the Brooklyn Bridge for only $500). Barbara Heil, girl wonder, is the new president of the telephone company. Mrs. Harold Harper (the former Mary Joseph) was in town today on a shoping spree and Edward Cornett, gentleman farmer informs us that he purchased 10,000 head of cattle for his farm the other day (beefsteak here we come).

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  Lawyers Mike Parentice and Sherry Dinan are representing Sam Miller, Dave Neff and Jerry Dinan in their lawsuit against the Navy. The boys say they should've received chef's wages for all the K.P. they did. Jim Dillon, first jet pilot to ever outstrip a flying saucer is here on leave from the Air Force. That "sasser" just couldn't catch him. Rose Marie Joseph is hanging out her teeth, er shingle, to practice dental hygiene in Zanesville. Good Samaritan Hospital is proud of its nurses, Kay waller, Mary Frances Miller, Joann Sherman, Joan Gorsky, Jean Quinn and Mary Ann Synan.

  What would this community be like without its cosmologists Jane McLaughlin and Janet Roth? Or its Certified Public Accountant John Hoffer? You just can't get names like that anymore. Need any electrical work done? If so, contact Joe Ritchey's electrical supply company. He'll send electricians John Miller and Richard Van Horn and get the job for you done fast. If they can't do it he'll send Barbara Seward, his private secretary. (She can use a hairpin with the best of them). While we're on the subject of secretaries, let's not forget Elaine Smith, Jean Moyer, Barbara Hemphling, Rita Paul, Jane Cowan, Donna Greten, Mary Prestanski, Betty Kohler, and Jean Lawyer, anyone of which would be an asset to any business office. Well that wraps it up for the folks in Zanesville, now let's hear from Earl Wrinchell."

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  This is Earl Wrinchell folks. I've got plenty of news for you, so hold on to your hats and away we go. Flash! Robert Allbritain, prominent Wall Street Real Estate Broker, has just made a killing. Bob just sold the Empire State Building to Dave Joseph, Hollywood screen idol, who needed a storeroom for his Academy Awards. Linda Hartlage, Broadway starlet, has just signed a contract with MGM Studios. Look out Grace Kelly.

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  Top Secret! Patrick Flood of the U.S. Foreign Service in China, who just concluded a treaty providing for the exchange of 27,000,000 three-legged bumblebees, is off on another big deal. Electronic geniuses James Mildenberg and Jack Bennett have co-authored a book entitled, "The Egg-lectorincs and I"...it should be a best seller. Recording artist Jeanette Gerst hit the million mark on her latest recording. Rival coaches Tom Woodward and Jim Rericha of the Browns and Giants were seen together at the opera last night, vigorously appluding Laurence Melchior.

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  James Dulan was interviewing teachers Sheila Killeen and Mary Nunn for a series of articles in the New York Times. Martha Mattingly, head chemist at the Dow Chemical Co., and Paul Finneran, a chemical engineer, were discussing the latest advance in the field of science at a meeeting in New York. T.W.A. can well list in its assets Norita Paul, IBM operator of the bookkeeping department; Agnes Lazar, Nancy Nicol and Barbara Schaumleffel, airline hostesses; Terry Ryan, chief plane mechanic and Larry Arnold aeronautical engineer. (A very nice crew.)

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  New York Civil Engineer Chcarles Core and Thomas Dusenberry, Rear Admiral of the Navy, were visiting with me yesterday and both seemed prosperous and healthy. So there you are."

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  Thank you Westbrook and Earl. Your assistance was greatly appreciated. Now for the news that didn't make the headlines: "Alfred Durant graduated ten years ago today." That wasn't important but we thought we'd mention it anyway. I hope we didn't "poo-pah" and leave somebody out, but if we did, remember that "To err is human - to forgive, divine."